I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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