We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
