if only i could text you this smell
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
