I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
