My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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