someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
two words...techno handjob
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
