This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
