he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
NoShamevember. You game?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
