Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you didnt know i had herpes?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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