1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
