i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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