I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
