it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
