i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
