If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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