im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
