What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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