Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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