and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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