I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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