i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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