i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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