what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
