I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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