I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
