does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
