Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
