I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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