I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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