Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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