yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
