Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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