I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I am one with the molecules
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
