a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
