Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
