dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
