Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
