It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
