I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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