she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
