i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
