"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
