the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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