My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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