you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
