next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
