I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
