i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
