awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
