You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
