the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
