i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
