through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
