She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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