Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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